Written by a Spanish man !
My name is George Stevenson. I met Cathy Lawry in the High school. She was a pretty girl. Her eyes were in blue color and had a nice long blond hair. We were in same age too. I was fascinating about her and we became very good friends in months. After one year of friendship, we became lovers. Cathy meant everything to me, since then. After I came out the High school, I had to find out a job. I did many jobs but I couldn’t find a fair job for me. So…I didn’t have money in my pocket. But Cathy never said a word about it. She always did courage me for find a job. At the time, I noticed that couples of rich guys were tailing on Cathy. But she never gave an even any damn look about them. She was always stick with me.
I was really happy about her love. That was the only thing I got. Time passed, I knew that without a job, I’m gonna lose Cathy soon. However I got a sales job in a supermarket, where I found my destiny. There were three other sales guys were there, and they were practicing as a music band. I was born in talent for guitars. Eventually we set up our band and got chances to play in parties. It didn’t passed years; our success was rising up day by day. We quite from our sales jobs and played full-time. Once we got a TV show and we hit the jackpot. Thereafter nobody can stop our progress. Our band was populated rapidly. All this time Cathy was nearby me like my shadow. Money was coming to me continuously. I spent more and more money for her. But day by day, my life was changing; I got much money, lots of friends, and the girls. Most of the nights, I was drunk. Eventually Cathie’s association was a headache for me. I wanted to stay away from her. Because, I felt Cathy ruins my privacy.
I met new girls every night. I didn’t want to stick with Cathy any more. But she came to me almost every time she could. One evening she came to my apartment, on that day I was with another girl. But she didn’t blame on me. but she just asked, “Why…why this? What happened to you now?” I felt much guilty; I thought she may jump on me like a devil. But she didn’t do that. I felt a shame on me. I felt guilty about me. Finally I got angry about myself. But I exposed my anger on her… “Bitch…you don’t need to fingering my life anymore…let me live my life alone…get lost you bitch…!!!” She left me forever on that day. I didn’t see her again. it was so ease to my mind. After one year, I left Munich.
I came to Nuremberg and my life was a heaven since then. I got all almost every happiness, there. Girls, money, Drunk nights, I thought this is the life. Life was going like a fairy tale, for another eight years. One night I felt very uncomfortable for my body. So I got some tablets and energy drinks like the other days. But it was continuing for two-three weeks. Eventually, I got fever too. Some time I sweat all over my body in nights. I felt that my body is not same any more. Finally I visited a doctor. There, I got my life’s shocked news. I was infected by HIV. In a second, I realized everything. But I was too late. Eventually my body and Soul were decaying. I was abandoned by my music band so easily.. My friends abandoned me, but still I got money to spend. I used to medicate every day now. But I knew that in very near future, medicine cannot live me anymore. day by day I reached to my death. Sometimes while I was just sleeping on my bed, I memorized my past. There, I felt “Cathy”, as one and only my own angel. She full filled all my life. My inside was filled with her memories. She was the one and only thing, in my mind. Then I realized what was there in my subconscious. But everything is now gone. One day, while I was sitting on my bed, in the nursing room, I saw that my angel was coming to me. Though I didn’t see her for last 10 years, it didn’t difficult to recognize her pretty face. “She is more beautiful than before” I thought to myself. But now, I’m just a living Skeleton. She came and stand in front of me. I couldn’t stare her eyes straightly any more. I tuned my head down. I felt, my eyes were getting wet, eventually that wet became tear drops and they were oozing one by one on my cheeks. Suddenly I felt something run through my hair, in seconds I remembered warm feelings of her hands, on my head, after ten years of time. she was running her fingers through my hair. I couldn’t stay still anymore. I just hold her hands in my hands. There, I felt the wedding ring on her left hand’s ring finger. I screamed and cried a lot. So… her too. There was no more to talk. Silent was so good, rather than making sad by talking any more. She left me after few minutes and promised to visit me again, as soon as possible. When she was leaving I felt that, there is no more strength to live, in my body or soul. After 13 days of the above event, one morning, a nurse found Georg’s death body, on the bed in the nursing room. His diary was found inside his pillow cover. This was the love and life story of “George Stevenson”. By Manu Fernando I always thought I deserved better in everything. But most of the time I was not that much lucky to have anything. Although things happened like that, my heart not ready to accept that reality, so I was trying in anything which wanted to achieve, even if it’s so hard or painful. But eventually, I’ve been drained of the energy to hold on. Every time I was with her, I wondered who I was to her. Sometime I thought I was just her friend. Friends, after all, would make some sort of effort to catch up with each other. But I was more likely her assistant. When she needs me for something, she wants my assistance, that’s all she wanted me. But when ever she wanted my attention, help or kindness I did it with bottom of my heart. If her were in broken heart, always I was nearby her and fixed her. I was so happy to do that. If her missed the classes, or had any difficulties about the projects, I was helping her without doing my own works. Sometime she was mumbling her, feelings and emotions via telephone. I only listened to them, I never did let her know that my feelings or emotions about anything. It’s because, I thought she may fed up with my things. So… I cried at the other end of the phone, instead. But I tried to make her up, and I was always telling, everything gonna be Ok for her. I always keep my interesting about her as a secret. I never gave any clue about I liked her very much. I never did any effort into asking her out. I wanted to flirt with her, badly but I never. I didn’t want to act as pushy boy either and wanted her to feel I’m the boy she is looking for. When she was flirting with other boys, I cried hard in my heart and kept my patience. So finally, I thought to make a distance between us and go away from her association. But after few days again she came and asked my help and my kindness. So again I did light up my hope about her caring about me. But after sometime, it happened again the same thing. This was circulating throughout the past three years. But eventually I realized that she was not for me. I was managing not to look at her, as could as possible. I skipped the most of the moment that, I should be with her. When she rang my phone, I ignored it and concentrated my mind and body to some other thing. End of the above all, my University life also ending up.Now time has passed almost for six months. she doesn’t phone me anymore. She didn’t ask about me, even from a friend of mine. I am pretty sure that she doesn’t miss me. And honestly, she may forget even existed me in her past. When I think about this, deeply, it feels so hurt for my heart that, she totally forgot me in her heart. But the same time I realized that, she never gave any satisfaction for me but the pain. So it was the truth. And it’s always hard to believe this painful truth for my heart. By Manu Fernando As usual, I met her under the old Oak tree. That is the only oak tree, which is near by a wooden bench. And this is where I met her for first time. We sat on the wooden bench. Then she looked in to my eyes for a while and leaned on to my shoulders. I always happy to stay like that, So I can feel her breath and smell. Then she runs her fingers through my chest. Her silky hair which disobeyed, is struggling with wind blow. All are seems to be OK, but one thing. Not like other days, she didn’t talk with me much. I could feel how deeply her breaths, and sometime it became a deep sigh too. “Why this silence, and sad mood?” I Asked Instead of answering me, she embraced me tightly. Then I moved my face to her eyes, I could see there are some sparkling tear drops in her eyes which, is trying ooze out soon. Then I kept my lips on her forehead. Suddenly she raised her head due to a noise which was made by a goose in the pond. Then she holds my hands and gave a deep look in to my eyes and turned her eyes towards to the mountain range, while biting softly her lower lip. Then she stood up and moved a bit forward, and still looking at “Tatra mountain range”. I was looking her back, how beautiful is she? I thought to myself. She is wearing a short frock like the very first day that I saw her. My mind ran away to seven months back. I’m an Estonian who came to Zakopane, Poland for work. I met her nearby this old oak tree in last winter season. Since then she was falling in love with me. And, then she is everything to me. My life is in this unknown country, would be meaningless without her sweet love. She gave everything to me. So…I couldn’t think about a life without her. I could hear she is crying softly, and I could see it, while looking at her trembling body. Suddenly she turned back and run to me. Then I stood up. She straightly came to me and hugged me like a baby. She was crying hardly. “Why this…?” I asked softly, holding her shoulders and while moving her a little away from me. Now I can see her lovely face closely. Her eyes are reddish, her pinky lips are trembling and yellowish. Tears are oozing upon her pinky cheeks. Then her awake her shaking voice…”I’m sorry Edie…I’m really sorry” ”For what Juliana?” ”I didn’t want to loose you ever, that’s why i cheated on you” ”You cheated…? about what…? What are you talking about Yuli?” ”I’m Sorry Edie…I’m a married women” And i didn’t speak anything. I just stay still. she surprised about my silence. And looked in to my face. ”Edie… why you stay still…? why don’t you flap on my Cheek…please do it…I deserve it. I remain the silent and sat on the bench. She is still sobbing. I knew, she doesn’t know that, it was known to me, she as a married women, since the day that I met her. ”Yuli I knew that…since the beginning. She talks with the shaking voice. ”How could that possible…Edie?” ”The day that we met, I saw the wedding ring in your finger. But the next i didn’t see it. I knew that you are pretending as a single. Day by day you were closing to me. Eventually, I feel you are a part of my soul. I didn’t want to loose you either…But now i feel, I did the wrong…Because…I should have told you that, then you may walk away from me, at the very begging. I made this sadness in you, yuli….I’m really sorry…My love” . ”No…No…don’t say that, you never did wrong, This is the happiest time in my life. Though I married to Kyle, he never loved me. Sometime he didn’t come home for months. He lives his own life, i am not in his world. So you are the person who made my life. I knew that I got special place in your heart. I thought, if i tell you about my marriage, you may go away from me. I never wanted to loose you, even now. That’s why i cheated on you…Edie…..I’m sorry, Oh god…” She was crying while hitting her head on the bench. Then I moved to her and bent her face on my chest. It is almost 6’o clock. It will be dark soon. we must leave, before the dark. By Manu Fernando It was the most beautiful days in my life. But I always felt that, I’m gonna miss it soon or later. And I knew that, I never find a girl like her again for my life time. She was the perfect one for me in every way. But I couldn’t tell her that, though I loved her so much. I always kept that within my heart as a secret. I never wanted to expose my love to her. I always tried to pretend I’m just a friend of her. But As Always, I wanted to be with her and I loved her. I knew, she also wanted the same. But she always tried to refrain it. And I didn’t let her know, that I always knew she was pretending that not so. I believe we both played the same game. So…I remember the last day that I met her in a cafe in “Volgograd”… “I can’t believe why I close to you so much Ivan… why I talk with you so much…why I’m so friendly with you so much, even I have a boy friend. You know what Ivan…I feel… I made a terrible mistake in my life, that I never can revise…. “What is it Olya?” “My fiancé…he is not the one for me, Ivan; I could have found a better one than him. You know… Once he was begging my love. Even, I didn’t like him. But later, I felt sad about him. Then I said “yes” to him. But I know it’s not real love.” “I’m sorry Olya…but that is the life, everything not goes as we want” “You don’t know what the love is, Ivan. But in a way, you right, everything not goes as we want …now it’s too late for me” I just sighed while looking in to her tearful eyes…then there was a silent. And again she mumbled to me. “Why I tell you those things which I never told to anyone? I can’t understand anything…Oh god… I wanted this friendship keep forever. I feel sad about us… Ivan…Even, I don’t know how we gonna end up this story…” “It’s Ok Olya…lets we live, don’t think so much. At least we met for our lives, we know that we really like each other. we must be happy about that.” You just smiled at me innocently. But I feel the same about us, sad. And always I think “why I didn’t meet her early in my life?” Then we took the lunch together. I told her that, I never forget that day, and she said the same. She married on 30th of November in 2005. I knew one day it’s going to be happened. I never talked to her since then. Once she made me laugh, made me happy, showed me the love, gave me a hope, and at last made me cry. At least now I feel that I had a true love once and it will last in my heart forever. Inspired By True Story. By Manu Fernando. It was late 1970 in Sri Lanka. His name was Michel De Silva. He had a pen pal called Lisa Barton from England. Not like these days, that era used only postal mails to contact each others. That’s why they call those long distance friends as “Pen Pals”. Michael and Lisa exchanged mails and pictures for years. But they never talked even by a Telephone. It’s because, Telephone was a High Luxury Item for Sri Lankans in that era. very limited people had Telephones. Eventually they fall in love. Michel was from a middle class family, he hadn’t money to fly England. Lisa was a student. Neither, she didn’t earn money yet. But she promised to come to Sri Lanka one day for visit at Michael, as soon as possible, when she is able to do so. Time passed, their love was matured day after day and they were in such a romance. They lived happily with their hopes and dreams of near future. One day Michael did post a postcard that saying… My dear Lisa, “I’m going to hike a mountain with my friends. I Hope if you were here too, with me. With all my love”. Your Loving Michel. Actually it was not just a mountain hike. It is a sacred Mountain calls “Adam’s peak”. They left for the mountain hike in one fine morning. It begins to dark when they arriving the mountain site. After they had supper, started to hike. They were hiking for hours without a rest. It was almost about to dawn, when they got their first rest. But still dark was around and was a thick mist. So they thought to sit for a while. Everybody sat on somewhere they could find in the dark and Micheal went to call of nature nearby there. He amazed what he saw there. It was Lisa; she was in nice white color lace gown. Even he never met Lisa live before, he recognized her in a blink of an eye. “My goodness Lisa, you are here…Gosh…I was thinking about you all the way…” “Yes I’m…” “Why…why didn’t you tell me that you were coming to Sri Lanka… even I posted a Card that I’m coming here…did you find that? I did it five days before I come here”. “No I didn’t …So Michel…I met you at last… my love!!!” “Lisa… you came alone here? Where is the rest of your people? You know? My friends are over there, come…” while speaking he moved to touch her hand…. But…. She disappeared into the thick dark mist. He looked around…but he couldn’t find her. she vanished without any trace. He could see only dark with the mist. He couldn’t understand what he saw. So he thought, it may be an illusion, because he was thinking about her all day long. Hence he didn’t tell anything to his friends there. But he was pretty sure; she addressed him as “So Michael…I met you at last… my love!!!” Michel arrived home after two days, His mother kept a Telegram in his hand. Dear Michel, “Lisa Expired due to terrible car accident.
I’m so sorry” Lisa’s loving friend, Susan. By Manu Fernando I was able to find her in the restaurant which is attached to the flower boutique. She was alone and having a drink while sitting on a stool. Still she is gorgeous. I couldn’t stay without glance at her since I saw her. Perhaps she may saw me. She looks pretty same as before. Her shoulders are exposed widely for the sleeveless frock that she wore. I could see her half naked legs since she keeps her legs on that high stool’s spindle. I thought to myself, if I could talk to her right there. But I couldn’t move myself. I am stuck. She talked with few friends and smiled. only thing I did was looking at her for the whole time. Still I got the flower bouquet which I bought from boutique. I didn’t count the time since I saw her. Suddenly… She was about for leaving, and gave some hugs to her friends. She went outside and got into a taxi. I followed the taxi for her home. After seven years I am going through this little down town again. Warm breeze was blowing with jasmine against me since I let opened the side glasses. I remembered one summer we were coming from the restaurant: she was next to me in my car and ran her hand through my hair while lean on to my shoulders. Her taxi stopped near by an apartment. She paid the taxi and ready to leave for her apartment. I stopped my car right there and got down. She just turned around and looked at me. I went to her. She didn’t talk, just stared at me. That silent moment was nearly killed me. So… I was waking up my breaking voice. “So…you live here?” “Yes …here…. I live…and the place you asked me to leave from your life forever” I almost forgot everything in front of her. Certainly, this was the little apartment once gives us warm shelter for five years. But it was just seven years back. I got nothing to say. She was damn right about that. She just gave a quick glance at the flower bouquet which in my hand. And she looks up for starry sky with a deep sigh. “I…I …I was just passing this town for some business matter, so thought to stop nearby and …m..m.. …to see you.” She didn’t speak anything…i continued. “I didn’t know really, you were in the restaurant…but I went your friend Lisa’s home at evening. So she told me, you were still in here and…most of the nights…you are in the restaurant” She nodded. “I’m…I’m…really sorry Giana”. I took few more steps to her; I could feel the deep smell of alcohol with her favorite perfume, from her. That smell was inspired me. My hands were shivering with the flower bouquet. My legs were almost frozen. I extended my shaking hand with the daisy flower bouquet toward to her. She just tilted her head down and then turned toward to the door. Then she opened the door and stopped for a while… “vuoi entrare?” (you come in?) She let the door being opened and went in. I just followed her. This little apartment is still the same. I felt the warm as seven years back. She didn’t change anything. All the pictures, furniture, just as once they were. She played “Mina Mazzini’s” music and went inside. I stood for a while looking around and sat on the couch. Still my flower bouquet is in my hands. I just kept it on the coffee table. She removed her high heels and came, it’s almost 11.00pm. Door is still being opened. I looked at her eyes. They were sparkling. I spoke then… “What do you do now?” “I work in a medical center here in Polla” “Where is your father now?” he was the one only sibling she had. With a sigh she told “He died two years back” “I’m sorry” she just nodded her head. Again the killing silent between us. Only the music that playing. I inhaled a deep breath. “So…you live here alone?” “Yes…since my father died” then she looked at my flower bouquet which is still on the coffee table and turned her head back. “ Is Lisa still your friend …m?” I merely asked that, just to keep talking with her. I don’t know what to say to her. I really feel so sad about her and our love. “Yes…she is” she answered shortly, only for my question. She didn’t question about me. I feel so uncomfortable. It proved me how guilty I am. If she shouted at me, it makes me happy. If she blamed on me, over everything that I did, it makes me happy. If she asked me to get lost right now, I’m happy. She still stays silent as always. “Giana…do you…m…m…drunk all the nights, like this?” She just wrinkled her bottom lip. I know it’s a wrong question. Why I asked about her, after I asked her to leave my life forever? I really felt that what a clown I am. I really want to talk with her nicely, and say that I want her back, and still I love her really. But she stays like a woman who doesn’t have any sense of feeling. Then I stood up. “Giana…I must go now, it’s really happy to see you today” and I walked toward to door step. It’s playing “il cielo in una stanza” on the Player. That song shocked me like a thunder in my brain. It reminds me, how I met her and danced with her for the very first time in a friend’s party, It reminds everything about her and I. it was like a movie. I turned back and looked at her. Her frock was loosened and one sleeve is hanging on her elbow. Her whole shoulder was almost exposed. She slightly leaned to the wall and giving her all weight on that. She just glanced at me. Why I left this sweet wife? Why I was so cruel to her? I thought to myself. Since I left her, my life was never being right. It always went right to my grave. But how I tell all this to her… now? How I tell that I came here “Polla” all the way from Milan, just for her and to spend rest of my life with her. I looked at the road from the doorstep.
I could see the street lamps and no one on the road; it is filled up only with emptiness. I looked back her eyes. They were filled with tears but still sparkling like stars. By Manu Fernando. Once upon a time, my father had a girlfriend who, he loved very much. But they were only very best friends. He always knew that she had another boy to marry. But my father and she were keeping talk with each others as much as they could. But sometime she was telling, bad things about her fiancé, sometimes she was telling… “I regret about my fiancé, I feel so sorry about myself, I never should have loved him, but I can’t do anything about this now, it’s too late”. So…my father just listened to those sad stories and never asked her to give up him, and never asked the reason for not to love him or the reason about the regret. He always stayed calm nearby her, like a glacier. But he was crying in heart every time she talked like that. When they were talking, sometime she used to sing the tune of “To Love Somebody by Bee gees”.
She asked and told my father… “Don’t you like that song? I like it very much.” But my father never tried to listen to that song carefully or look at the lyrics of that song on that era. He just listened to that song like any other songs. Though, things happened like that way, my father never asked from her. It’s because, he knew that her fiancé was rich than him. So he wanted to give better life to her. And my father thought, asking from her, while she was having a fiancé, was not ethical. He didn’t only really love her, but also he had a great respect about her. When time passed one day she told my father that she is going to marry her fiancé and she cannot talk to my father any more but she wants to keep the true friendship, in her heart forever and asked my father to do so too. My father never wanted to break up with her.
At the same time he didn’t want to hurt her heart too. So he promised her that he never talks to her again, and he also promised to keep the friendship and her memories in his heart forever. So after around fifteen years of this, he always used to ask from himself, did she love him ever? And did he do something wrong to her? Those questions were haunting in his mind always. One day he listened to that song “To love somebody” accidentally on radio. Then he listened, very carefully every word of in that song. Then He cried a lot same as on the day which said goodbye to her!!! P.S: – now my father died. I had to read his almost all dairies to gather this scattered story to put together. (This emotional story was given by a friend & thought to share it)
By Manu Fernando
http://love-tenderly.blogspot.co.uk/
Datingdilemma 