We talked allot about how to meet new people and how to get past the first date but we have not covered breaking up. Breaking up is the most horrible topic to discuss as it’s depressing and has a sad stigma attached to it.
In any relationship, there are good days and there are bad days. For instance, you might want to do something that your partner is completely opposed to, or she might want to go shopping for the apartment when all you want to do is stay at home and relax with the game or a movie. This is part and parcel of being one half of a couple.
However it’s not all bad many good things come out of breaking up with someone you never know who is around the corner and how your life will turn around years down the line.
Positives takeaways from a breakup
- You can try things on your own that you never thought you could ever do before you were on your own – I remember my dad telling me to enjoy the time on my own while I can – I decided to travel to the countries I wanted to go to, to try the things he never wanted to do with me and well to go out and party as I wanted to!
- You feel a weight has been lifted once you are out of the situation as hard as it is you can finally focus on your own future
- Being on your own you can spread out in the bed in a star shape and enjoy the freedom of your own bed
- Its a fresh start go and get a new look and cut all your hair off if you really want to
- Come home at whatever time you want to nobody will ask you where you are and what time you will get home
What are the first signs that there is a problem
Askmen says …
When you first got together with your other half, you couldn’t stop contacting each other. Whether it was on the phone, via text messaging or using e-mail and other online messenger systems, speaking to each other almost every hour was the norm. Now, however, you can’t even be bothered to text her, let alone call. On top of this, you’ve deliberately started to ignore her attempts to contact you. Caller ID has never been so useful and a breakup has never been more imminent.
One of the most natural and exciting parts of being involved with someone is planning the future together. You’re perfectly content to plan for the holidays, dream about where you want to make your home, and ponder possible names for your kids because it gives you a feeling of safety. These thoughts of the future perpetuate the sentiment that the two of you will always be a loving couple that grows old together.
I think if you are doubting your relationship its normal but if you stop loving a person its really the end of the road
Be brave and positive and nothing can you that badly
How to breakup
- Have a face to face conversation over dinner if you are scared that the person may go mental best to be in a public and safe place ( perhaps move your stuff out secretly before telling them
- If it’s mutual you can get a coffee and a walk – walking and talking by the river or water is a relaxing way to do it
- Parting on a good note is always the best way revenge and stuff like that will stay with you for a lifetime so try and part on good terms
- Do it over text if you are a coward but I think this is spineless
- Stay friends! This is the best advice!
What should you do after the breakup
- Stay with family or friends be calm don’t drink alcohol it will depress you more
- Exercise and keep fit and healthy
- Try not to contact your partner for a good few weeks while the dust settles
- Good luck with the new start I am excited for you and know you will meet the correct person for you
- Now get back to dating and stay focused on meeting the best person when you are ready!
Your hands may be sweaty and you may blank out on conversation topics — just take a deep breath, this is only the first date. I always say to my friends keep the first date short you can and are allowed to meet the person even for just one hour long on the first date
Its all about the first impression on a first date unfortunately as they say first impressions really do count when you first meet someone. Here are a few hints and tips for both men and women
And although you should never judge a book by its cover, Whitmore says people will make judgement calls about your character and personality based on your initial encounter.
Girls – Don’t look like you are trying too hard but also make enough effort men will find it attractive if you look effortlessly good so keep the makeup natural.
Ladies here are some examples of some effortless looks for a first date the last photo is more for an evening date but they are all sending out the correct signals to that guy you like!
Guys – You should do your hair wear a smart yet casual top and the shoes will be judged so make sure they are not looking scruffy, oh yeah and smell good!
Guys this is also a smart casual look that makes a good first impression I have included the hat and trainers look to show you can make the casual look trendy and smart ( cool)
2) Good Time Keeping
When you show up on time it highlights that you are responsible and makes a good first impression, however being early is a bit too keen remember this is not a job interview it’s a date so be on time but don’t linger around early or you may look desperate.
3) Do some research before you actually go to meet them find out what is happening in the news look into the other person’s job , hobbies and family life so that you have good substantial stuff to talk about. They may ask you what you think about x news topic and you want to look prepared!
4) Have a story in the back of your mind you can tell them make it funny and something that happened recently to warm up the conversation. It is always good to have these ready incase there are some silent moments of awkwardness
5) Offer to get a drink both people should get a drink each on the first date otherwise he / she will be telling their friends you were a bit tight trust me! I hear this all the time even if the guy is generous. Also don’t get drunk on your first date you may live to regret this even if you need some courage! NO NO!
6)Huffington post says …
A good conversation is like a tennis match. It only works when you hit the ball in the other person’s court,” Whitmore says. Try to focus more on your date and less on yourself —you’ll impress your date if you show you’re fully engaged, listen, and ask pertinent questions, she adds. This type of attentive listening builds trust and almost always guarantees a second date.
7) don’t mention the Ex or getting divorced or anything negative on the first date otherwise he will think you are so not over it!
8) Focus on the positives of life not how bad your job is or how bad the weather is but be positive and happy. Remember not to be fake I hate those girls that come across too friendly or too nice be natural!
9) End the date gracefully even if you don’t want to see them again be nice and tell them the things you enjoyed with them. Don’t mention meeting again word it like look forward to catching up soon or let’s talk soon take care !
The Daily Mail newspaper says..
Planning a holiday, driving each others’ cars and having a key to your partner’s flat are all signs a relationship has got serious, a new survey reveals.
Researchers quizzed 2,000 people to reveal the top 50 things which indicate a couple are past the ‘seeing each other’ phase.
Posting a ‘loved-up’ photo on Facebook, changing your status to ‘in a relationship’ and being introduced to wider friendships circles also show couples are the ‘real deal.’
It’s also proven that the girls are happy to go out without makeup on and dressing up is also no longer such a big deal as you have started to feel more comfortable and relaxed. The guy has started to like you as a whole and is less focused on your physical appearance. However not to say you should let yourself go now but you should be more relaxed.
Around the six month to one year mark you should be talking about moving in together so that you get to know each other properly. Some people say bound on religious purposes that they only want to move in together once they are married. Well this is a serious risk as you really only know someone once you get married to start off with.
Meeting your partner’s parents and friends is also important as you become more serious with each other and becoming the other person’s plus one on invites and christmas events and cards.
The study also shows two in 10 people knew their current relationship was serious after they planned a holiday together, while 43 per cent said the words ‘I love you’ and the same percentage discussed moving in together.
Indeed two-thirds of people polled and in a relationship claimed they felt their first holiday together was a real milestone and demonstrated how committed they were to each other.
Someone I know said his mortgage means more than a marriage and kids he is well committed now that they have a house together. I would say that this is not very romantic but that is how some people see commitment these days. What do you think?
Another wise friend said to me commitment is when you put your partner before yourself and yourself after your partner then you know you are committed.
It’s obvious that commitment means something different to each couple and individual, it is very important that you have the correct level of commitment in your relationship that you feel happy with. For example if you have a mis-matched level of commitment in a relationship then this will cause big issues. If one person wants marriage and kids and the other person does not want it then this is a major mis-match.
Watch out girls after nagging a guy for ages they suddenly say they have changed their mind about something like marriage or kids I would be dubious, believe it when you see it. Many men just drag things out to keep you quiet or happy! Don’t be a victim that it becomes too late and you can no longer have the things you want. Or you are too old to move on!
Love DD XOX
The top 50 signs it’s serious
1. Meeting the parents
2. Exchanging house keys
3. Planning a holiday together
4. Discussing plans for the future
5. Being invited to family gatherings
6. Saying ‘I love you’
7. Staying overnight at each other’s houses
8. Signing Christmas / Birthday cards together
9. Seeing each other at least every other night
10. Leaving a toothbrush at each other’s house
11. You tell each other absolutely everything
12. Letting them take care of you when sick
13. Being introduced to wider friendships circles
14. Discussing how many children you might want in the future
15. Buying a dog or cat together
16. Driving each other’s cars
17. Inviting them to a wedding as a date
18. Divulging salary details
19. Letting them know your pin number
20. Discussing holidays
21. Having a drawer at each other’s house
22. When you HYPOTHETICALLY talk about IF you lived together
23. Inviting people round as a couple
24. Having clothes and other belongings at each other’s houses
25. First name terms with their mum and dad
26. Talking about intimate health issues
27. Farting in front of each other
28. Inviting them out with your friends / family
29. Receiving cards or gifts addressed to both of you
30. When you know what each other’s plans are for every single day
31. Showering together
32. Changing Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’
33. You know each other’s passwords
34. Wearing pyjamas when you get home from work
35. You share secrets about friends with each other
36. Always being the ‘plus one’ on invites
37. Getting food in your big shop just for them
38. You start watching TV shows they like
39. Phoning each other at work
40. Stop putting make up on to look gloriously fresh before they wake up
41. When they start asking for your opinion on stuff
42. Going out with friends or family without the partner being there
43. Signing off ‘love’ in a card
44. You start listening to music they like
45. You stop seeing people you know they don’t like
46. Putting a photo of the two of you on Facebook
47. Sending good morning / goodnight texts
48. Having a pet name for each other
49. Telling each other how many sexual partners you’ve had
50. When all their friends add you on Facebook
So it’s a little controversial topic but actually happening more often than you think where the women is just into the guy based on how much money they have and not that she is interested in finding love.
So, if a woman loves you for who you are, she’ll want to spend time with you whether you’re footing the bill or not. If she can list off every meal you’ve bought her and everything you’ve purchased for the last month, but doesn’t give a damn when you invite her to a homey get-together with the fam, you may have a gold digger on your hands.
Here are the tell tell signs up front!
1.She never pays for dinner
So the first dinner I agree should be on the man this is the tradition and men get your pennies out on the first date. However if you see she never offers to take you for dinner or pay this is a clear signal that she is after your money. For some reason the dinner scenario is a very good example and test to see if she just enjoys being taken out or if she is willing to pay her way.
2. She loves going shopping but happily takes the gifts
She is always happy for you to pay for gifts even if you offer, she never says no, she just stands back and takes takes takes each time without putting her hand into her pocket. I would take this as a warning sign.
3. Children are old enough but she has made no attempt to work
The kids are old enough and spend most of their time at school and she has still made no attempt to find a part time job or bring in any money. She may have lost her confidence and is scared to work but she should get back to work once the kids are old enough to go to school. Personally I think that you should want to get back to work or earn some money so help contribute to the family even if it’s working from home based jobs.
4. She gets in a temper if you don’t get her what she wants
She starts to get upset and angry with you if you don’t get her what she wants as far as gifts go or posh enough dinners when she is not contributing to it at all. Beggars cannot be choosers!
5. You just have that feeling ..
You just think that she likes you because of money – better to face it sooner than later before she leaves you once you have no money left?? Confront her and see how that goes if she is not after money she won’t get that upset.
6. She is willing to put up with anything for the money
She seems like the ideal woman, happy to clean, cook and be domesticated so you look past the fact that she is only doing it for money! Being unequal can cause issues so really think about this before you become involved.
Get the courage to see through the gold digger!
It’s difficult to understand why men like certain women and why they have no interest in others.
It’s difficult to understand the rules of attraction clearly and it’s one of those areas we will never really understand fully. One thing is for sure and that I’m certain about is that no matter how you look or are there is a possible match for you out there in the big wide world.
I am a strong believer is everything happening for a good reason even if we don’t realise this for a long time.
Being lonely is very difficult it’s a feeling that can absorb you and for some it takes over their life and character.
My advice to try and find someone is simple. Try these few steps and let me know how it goes.
1) Feel good about the past, let go of anything bad you hold on to from past relationships. Cleanse your soul and heart of any bad feelings, revenge or guilt from the past. Why is this important? It’s important as you cannot find love properly if you are living in the past and the likelihood of meeting the correct person is lower.
2) After cleansing your soul and heart of the past you need a review period – here you need to review where the relationship went wrong and why it failed. Why is this important? Because you need to understand how to not get into the same situation again and rather than hate the ex you can learn from him/her. For this to work you need to really evaluate where you went wrong to start with.
3) Enjoy meeting new people slowly – don’t rush into meeting someone, this is a rebound and the likelihood that it won’t work is high. Use this time to feel good about yourself – being alone for the first 1-6 months is healthy.
4) Once you meet someone ensure you like them for the correct reasons and not because you are lonely. Become friends and get the happy balance of being happy on your own and the openness to meet someone new.
5) Getting into a relationship again – make sure that you meet on a regular basis but not too often at first or it’s all about the lustfulness.
6) Become happy and satisfied with what you have – understanding that everyone has a good side and bad side!