We talked allot about how to meet new people and how to get past the first date but we have not covered breaking up. Breaking up is the most horrible topic to discuss as it’s depressing and has a sad stigma attached to it.
In any relationship, there are good days and there are bad days. For instance, you might want to do something that your partner is completely opposed to, or she might want to go shopping for the apartment when all you want to do is stay at home and relax with the game or a movie. This is part and parcel of being one half of a couple.
However it’s not all bad many good things come out of breaking up with someone you never know who is around the corner and how your life will turn around years down the line.
Positives takeaways from a breakup
- You can try things on your own that you never thought you could ever do before you were on your own – I remember my dad telling me to enjoy the time on my own while I can – I decided to travel to the countries I wanted to go to, to try the things he never wanted to do with me and well to go out and party as I wanted to!
- You feel a weight has been lifted once you are out of the situation as hard as it is you can finally focus on your own future
- Being on your own you can spread out in the bed in a star shape and enjoy the freedom of your own bed
- Its a fresh start go and get a new look and cut all your hair off if you really want to
- Come home at whatever time you want to nobody will ask you where you are and what time you will get home
What are the first signs that there is a problem
Askmen says …
When you first got together with your other half, you couldn’t stop contacting each other. Whether it was on the phone, via text messaging or using e-mail and other online messenger systems, speaking to each other almost every hour was the norm. Now, however, you can’t even be bothered to text her, let alone call. On top of this, you’ve deliberately started to ignore her attempts to contact you. Caller ID has never been so useful and a breakup has never been more imminent.
One of the most natural and exciting parts of being involved with someone is planning the future together. You’re perfectly content to plan for the holidays, dream about where you want to make your home, and ponder possible names for your kids because it gives you a feeling of safety. These thoughts of the future perpetuate the sentiment that the two of you will always be a loving couple that grows old together.
I think if you are doubting your relationship its normal but if you stop loving a person its really the end of the road
Be brave and positive and nothing can you that badly
How to breakup
- Have a face to face conversation over dinner if you are scared that the person may go mental best to be in a public and safe place ( perhaps move your stuff out secretly before telling them
- If it’s mutual you can get a coffee and a walk – walking and talking by the river or water is a relaxing way to do it
- Parting on a good note is always the best way revenge and stuff like that will stay with you for a lifetime so try and part on good terms
- Do it over text if you are a coward but I think this is spineless
- Stay friends! This is the best advice!
What should you do after the breakup
- Stay with family or friends be calm don’t drink alcohol it will depress you more
- Exercise and keep fit and healthy
- Try not to contact your partner for a good few weeks while the dust settles
- Good luck with the new start I am excited for you and know you will meet the correct person for you
- Now get back to dating and stay focused on meeting the best person when you are ready!
Your hands may be sweaty and you may blank out on conversation topics — just take a deep breath, this is only the first date. I always say to my friends keep the first date short you can and are allowed to meet the person even for just one hour long on the first date
Its all about the first impression on a first date unfortunately as they say first impressions really do count when you first meet someone. Here are a few hints and tips for both men and women
And although you should never judge a book by its cover, Whitmore says people will make judgement calls about your character and personality based on your initial encounter.
Girls – Don’t look like you are trying too hard but also make enough effort men will find it attractive if you look effortlessly good so keep the makeup natural.
Ladies here are some examples of some effortless looks for a first date the last photo is more for an evening date but they are all sending out the correct signals to that guy you like!
Guys – You should do your hair wear a smart yet casual top and the shoes will be judged so make sure they are not looking scruffy, oh yeah and smell good!
Guys this is also a smart casual look that makes a good first impression I have included the hat and trainers look to show you can make the casual look trendy and smart ( cool)
2) Good Time Keeping
When you show up on time it highlights that you are responsible and makes a good first impression, however being early is a bit too keen remember this is not a job interview it’s a date so be on time but don’t linger around early or you may look desperate.
3) Do some research before you actually go to meet them find out what is happening in the news look into the other person’s job , hobbies and family life so that you have good substantial stuff to talk about. They may ask you what you think about x news topic and you want to look prepared!
4) Have a story in the back of your mind you can tell them make it funny and something that happened recently to warm up the conversation. It is always good to have these ready incase there are some silent moments of awkwardness
5) Offer to get a drink both people should get a drink each on the first date otherwise he / she will be telling their friends you were a bit tight trust me! I hear this all the time even if the guy is generous. Also don’t get drunk on your first date you may live to regret this even if you need some courage! NO NO!
6)Huffington post says …
A good conversation is like a tennis match. It only works when you hit the ball in the other person’s court,” Whitmore says. Try to focus more on your date and less on yourself —you’ll impress your date if you show you’re fully engaged, listen, and ask pertinent questions, she adds. This type of attentive listening builds trust and almost always guarantees a second date.
7) don’t mention the Ex or getting divorced or anything negative on the first date otherwise he will think you are so not over it!
8) Focus on the positives of life not how bad your job is or how bad the weather is but be positive and happy. Remember not to be fake I hate those girls that come across too friendly or too nice be natural!
9) End the date gracefully even if you don’t want to see them again be nice and tell them the things you enjoyed with them. Don’t mention meeting again word it like look forward to catching up soon or let’s talk soon take care !
So it’s a little controversial topic but actually happening more often than you think where the women is just into the guy based on how much money they have and not that she is interested in finding love.
So, if a woman loves you for who you are, she’ll want to spend time with you whether you’re footing the bill or not. If she can list off every meal you’ve bought her and everything you’ve purchased for the last month, but doesn’t give a damn when you invite her to a homey get-together with the fam, you may have a gold digger on your hands.
Here are the tell tell signs up front!
1.She never pays for dinner
So the first dinner I agree should be on the man this is the tradition and men get your pennies out on the first date. However if you see she never offers to take you for dinner or pay this is a clear signal that she is after your money. For some reason the dinner scenario is a very good example and test to see if she just enjoys being taken out or if she is willing to pay her way.
2. She loves going shopping but happily takes the gifts
She is always happy for you to pay for gifts even if you offer, she never says no, she just stands back and takes takes takes each time without putting her hand into her pocket. I would take this as a warning sign.
3. Children are old enough but she has made no attempt to work
The kids are old enough and spend most of their time at school and she has still made no attempt to find a part time job or bring in any money. She may have lost her confidence and is scared to work but she should get back to work once the kids are old enough to go to school. Personally I think that you should want to get back to work or earn some money so help contribute to the family even if it’s working from home based jobs.
4. She gets in a temper if you don’t get her what she wants
She starts to get upset and angry with you if you don’t get her what she wants as far as gifts go or posh enough dinners when she is not contributing to it at all. Beggars cannot be choosers!
5. You just have that feeling ..
You just think that she likes you because of money – better to face it sooner than later before she leaves you once you have no money left?? Confront her and see how that goes if she is not after money she won’t get that upset.
6. She is willing to put up with anything for the money
She seems like the ideal woman, happy to clean, cook and be domesticated so you look past the fact that she is only doing it for money! Being unequal can cause issues so really think about this before you become involved.
Get the courage to see through the gold digger!
It’s difficult to understand why men like certain women and why they have no interest in others.
It’s difficult to understand the rules of attraction clearly and it’s one of those areas we will never really understand fully. One thing is for sure and that I’m certain about is that no matter how you look or are there is a possible match for you out there in the big wide world.
I am a strong believer is everything happening for a good reason even if we don’t realise this for a long time.
Being lonely is very difficult it’s a feeling that can absorb you and for some it takes over their life and character.
My advice to try and find someone is simple. Try these few steps and let me know how it goes.
1) Feel good about the past, let go of anything bad you hold on to from past relationships. Cleanse your soul and heart of any bad feelings, revenge or guilt from the past. Why is this important? It’s important as you cannot find love properly if you are living in the past and the likelihood of meeting the correct person is lower.
2) After cleansing your soul and heart of the past you need a review period – here you need to review where the relationship went wrong and why it failed. Why is this important? Because you need to understand how to not get into the same situation again and rather than hate the ex you can learn from him/her. For this to work you need to really evaluate where you went wrong to start with.
3) Enjoy meeting new people slowly – don’t rush into meeting someone, this is a rebound and the likelihood that it won’t work is high. Use this time to feel good about yourself – being alone for the first 1-6 months is healthy.
4) Once you meet someone ensure you like them for the correct reasons and not because you are lonely. Become friends and get the happy balance of being happy on your own and the openness to meet someone new.
5) Getting into a relationship again – make sure that you meet on a regular basis but not too often at first or it’s all about the lustfulness.
6) Become happy and satisfied with what you have – understanding that everyone has a good side and bad side!
How can you tell if someone is keen?
Well, fortunately, researchers have worked out the science of flirting, to find out what people do most often if they are attracted in another person.
And the results are in: Starting off being encouraging and complimentary, and ending by being expressive and using open palm gestures, is a sure-fire way that someone is interested.
The research was led by associate professor of communication studies Dr Jeffrey Hall from the University of Kansas.
His team gathered 102 heterosexual men and women – split 50:50 – who had never met before, partnered them up in conversations for 10 to 12 minutes and recorded them on video.
Afterward, subjects reported their level of attraction toward their conversation partners. Then, Dr Hall and his team reviewed the interactions – and what signs of flirtation they had shown.
For women, look for a guy who has lowered his pitch from the early part of the interaction.
But there were also some indicators of what people did when they were not interested, as well.
For example, crossing legs at any point was a clear sign that someone was not attracted in the other person in the conversation.
Touching the arm, chest, hair or so on was also a sign they were losing interest, while teasing was also something not really favoured.
TYPES OF FLIRTING (FROM MOST TO LEAST FREQUENT)
1. Being joyful (smiling and laughing)
2. Affirmation (nodding, saying yes)
3. Keeping the conversation going
4. Opening your arms
5. Disclosing personal details
6. Being expressive
7. Gazing at your partner
8. Being vocally animated
9. Speaking with a higher pitch
10. Self-touching (hair, face, body)
11. Playing with cards*
12. Leaning forward
13. Biting or licking lips
14. Asking questions
15. Shaking your head
16. Playing with objects (clothes, etc)
17. ‘Presenting’ breasts
18. Self-deprecating comment
19. Moving closer
20. Crossing legs
21. Shrugging shoulders
22. Open-palm gestures (palming)
23. Falling into your chair
24. Flirtatious glances
*Note: These were the conversation prompt cards used in the study
Another interesting indicator was that people who had a polite style of flirting tended to give their partner respect.
They would lean back in their chair, create a distance between then, and be more evenly toned in their speech.
He said that polite flirts thus had a hard time getting their message across, even if they were interested.
‘Knowing your own flirting style, and knowing that of other people, can tell you about their intentions and what they expect out of it,’ he said.
‘Certain types give you clues about their style and ways of communication.’
He says you want to be direct, but not too embarrassing or forward, and always be on the eye out for non-verbal indicators, such as smiling and laughing or being engaged in the conversation.
Its hard not to be on the rebound months or even years after a relationship and I say this with caution. It’s all about comparing the new person with the last person and really accepting that no person is perfect. You will find one thing that is certain and that is the fact that is that people are different and their qualities are different.
Its hard not to compare people with each other because this is how the human brain works and its natural to do this. Accepting the choices you made and the reasons why you made them is really important as you know that the one you picked it deep down the best one for you.
Forgetting the past is hard and its easy for girlfriends to tell you just get over him he was a *&%&^… well the bad news is that it’s a long journey to truly move on and if anyone disagrees then they never had anything to lose. It’s difficult as you lose a friend or perhaps a fatherly figure. If you wonder why it still hurts be honest with yourself and move on when you are ready.
My best advise to you is learning to forget the past is not always the best way but learning from it is much better and understanding why you liked that person will help you to move on!