We don’t have chemistry…


Chemistry has a purpose. It’s not random; it’s not a fluke. There’s essential information in the attraction that occurs between two people.

It’s important for us to know what chemistry is so we can use it to feel more love in our lives. Without understanding that there’s a secret order to love, we feel out of control. And no one likes that.

Don’t worry, you’re not out of control. You’re just in love. And there’s a reason you feel a strong chemical attraction towards the people you do. That’s what I’m going to discuss today.

I often hear people talk about chemistry as if it’s a bad thing. Like we should be wary of the people we’re attracted to the most. And I understand why this is a common warning: Because these people tend to bring our issues to the surface.

It’s true that strong attraction makes for a wild ride in love. But the question is: Is this really a bad thing?

Some people will say yes. Sure, if you want life to be easy then the path of strong attraction isn’t for you (Side note: Is there an easy path? I’m still trying to figure that one out). Of course, we all want love to be uncomplicated. But we are complicated! So why would our relationships be anything less?

From a spiritual perspective, love is supposed to be a wild ride. This doesn’t mean that we stick around in relationships that are abusive or feel horrible to be in. But it does mean we recognize that love will provoke us to grow into fuller versions of ourselves. And this isn’t easy!

Feelings such as of insecurity, doubt, fear, jealousy, judgement, and contempt (all ego feelings) will appear with the people we desire most. Because of this, many of us categorize these highly attractive relationships as “bad” or “unhealthy.” Spiritually speaking, however, these relationships are doing what they’re supposed to do — they’re provoking your ego to surface so you can transform it.

When we remember that relationships are meant to teach us growth, we approach the “bad” very differently. We know that there is a lesson in every challenge — that lesson is to regain a connection to love.

Lessons of love take on many different forms. Sometimes reconnecting with love means leaving the relationship. Sometimes reconnecting with love means sticking around and working through the challenges. Sometimes the lesson is learning to forgive your partner. Sometimes the lesson is learning to forgive yourself.

Yes, we all want peace in relationships; they’re supposed to be blissful and loving. And when they aren’t, we know we’ve fallen off the path of love and we have to get back on track. This is how we grow.

Don’t bypass or downplay the chemistry you feel; remember that it exists for a reason. The people you’re most attracted to are your greatest teachers in love. Show up for the lessons they have for you.

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12 thoughts on “We don’t have chemistry…

  1. The Forgetful Philosopher says:

    There were a couple points that cut across my often purely rational approach to reading: “Spiritually speaking, however, these relationships are doing what they’re supposed to do — they’re provoking your ego to surface so you can transform it”; and “We know that there is a lesson in every challenge — that lesson is to regain a connection to love.”

    I was actually reading this from a spiritual, non-romantic approach to “love,” so I found it interested you actually then wrote an expressly spiritual component into the discussion.

    This post shows you’ve given good thought to these words and have doubtless experienced what they reflect, because certain wisdom only comes through experience. Speaking as a philosopher, these are actually very deep reflections; speaking as one spiritual, I am grateful for another shining point among the constellations of my awarenesses that continue to lead me to higher truths.

    Liked by 1 person

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