How do I Stop Comparing Dates to my Ex? Why do we do this?

If you were Jennifer Anderson how could you not compare each new guy to to your ex? ..Come on its Brad Pitt who wouldn’t do this?  It got me thinking about how we compare our new partners, potential partners to our past partners, and the issues around this.

The problem in hand

Dr. DD,

At the risk of sounding pathetic, I have to ask for help. For three years, I dated a wonderful woman. I could go on and on about the ways we worked as a couple. We had deeply rooted compatibility, enjoyed great sex, and felt what seemed like real love between us. Then one day, she came home and said, “I’m moving out.” She had met someone else. Within three hours, our relationship was over. That was two years ago. I’ve met some great people on eHarmony. I’ve met some wonderful women in other areas of life as well. But no matter how much I like any one new person, I can’t stop comparing her to my old love. She was smart, beautiful, fun to be around, and affectionate, and new women always seem to fall short. I need help.

  • The fact is that you maybe feeling and thinking that your ex was perfect but you need to focus on why you actually broke up and stop living in a dream world
  • How do you know that there is not someone better out there? you need to be open to meeting someone ( be flexible
  • If someone met someone else they were not happy in the relationship, its important for you to be in an equal relationship, you should ask yourself do you like ‘keep it keen treat them mean” .. in the above case
  • Did you get closure from your ex? maybe you need this before you can start dating

Problems with comparing your Ex with new and potential partners

  • You are still living in the past and as much as you want to move on you never really have if you are still comparing the past with the now
  • When comparing you are ok to compare the things you were missing from that relationship, rather than the person
  • There is a reason a relationship is over so you should compare the future with the future not with a failed relationship
  • You can talk yourself out of a relationship if you are  still sad about the past, there can be a risk here

What can you do next 

  • Find closure from your ex accept this may take some time to get over and you need to give time and space to do this – its hard but its normal its hard
  • Focus on what you were missing from the previous person and try to aim to get that from the new relationship
  • Stop living in the past – focus on new things, new places and trying new things – A new time and place helps
  • Counselling can help you – perhaps talk to someone about the relationship you can get closure this way
  •  Let go, accept and move on – three steps xx

4 thoughts on “How do I Stop Comparing Dates to my Ex? Why do we do this?

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