Didn’t get him up the aisle within three years? your marriage could be doomed


Add to this his alleged propensity to do things as he pleases and at his own pace, and the end result is years of dithering. in my experience as a relationship counsellor and psychologist, there’s a golden window of opportunity in which to get married  –  between 18 months and three years after your first date.

If you’ve not walked down the aisle in that time, something may well be wrong with your relationship  –  and a belated wedding won’t fix it.

Marry too early when you’re still in the first throes of passion and you risk all the pitfalls of a whirlwind romance.

But leave it longer than three years and you risk disaster. Like most other things in life, courtships have a sell-by date.

The truth is that if, after three years, you want a wedding and your partner doesn’t (or vice-versa) then something’s wrong. And you need to sit down and have an honest conversation about how you both see your future.

It may be painful, which is why so many of us avoid the conversation in the first place. But if you shy away, the repercussions could be heartbreaking.

Missing this golden window to show your love and commitment to each other is not an uncommon phenomenon.

Many women waste precious time on a doomed relationship then, in their late 30s, find themselves desperate for a baby and looking for a new partner

Tragically, many women waste precious time on a relationship that has led nowhere and, in their late 30s or early 40s, find themselves desperate for a baby and looking for a new partner.

Others put all the pressure they can muster on their man, have the wedding of their dreams and then find it turn to ashes because they haven’t addressed the underlying problems that kept them from the altar in the first place.

If your partner is dragging his feet, I suspect it’s down to one of the following reasons.

Tragically, many women waste precious time on a relationship that has led nowhere and, in their late 30s or early 40s, find themselves desperate for a baby and looking for a new partner.

Others put all the pressure they can muster on their man, have the wedding of their dreams and then find it turn to ashes because they haven’t addressed the underlying problems that kept them from the altar in the first place.

If your partner is dragging his feet, I suspect it’s down to one of the following reasons.

1. YOU ARE MRS RIGHT NOW, NOT MRS RIGHT

You may think he’s the one. But he views the relationship purely as one of convenience. He loves you, the sex is fantastic and you offer him all the security he needs.

But it’s only for the time being. He doesn’t want to commit. You might be able to win him over, but you’ll always know it wasn’t his choice.

2. THE INSECURITY ISSUE

There are couples where one has a deep fear of commitment. It’s often down to insecurity.

Your partner may fear that while you say you love him warts and all, you haven’t actually seen just how ugly those warts are. And if you knew, you’d run away. Or he might have been scarred by his parents’ divorce and fears history repeating itself.

3. SATISFACTION GUARANTEED

Some men  –  and women  –  find it difficult to make life-changing decisions. They need cast-iron proof it’s for the best before they’ll change job, move house and certainly before they’ll get married.

4. THEY’RE PAST IT

Men can often feel they’re too old. They’ve been there, done that, worn the T-shirt. Why go through it all again?

5. WANTING TO STAY A BIG KID

There are others who dread giving up their independence

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Didn’t get him up the aisle within three years? your marriage could be doomed

    • datingdilemma2014 says:

      Hi please bring me wine, this was said to be true by a relationship expert who wrote this book Dr Pam Spurr is author of How To Be a Happy Human: Ten Essential Principles To Change Your Life. Personally I have been in two positions one 7 year relationship and one 2 years and trust me once you know you know! why wait then marry when you are madly in love xx

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s